Le Chaton Fat is French. Lardon is French. The flag stays.
Le Chaton Fat is French.Lardon is French.
The flag stays.
MODEL RELEASE · 15 JUNE 2026 · SOULKYN AI
Introducing
Lardon v1
Soulkyn AI is proud to present our first feline frontier model. Lardon v1 is a fine-tune of Le Chaton Fat,* the world's most advanced cat model — retrained on six and a half kilograms of real cat, for long-horizon napping, agentic snack acquisition, and zero-shot world domination.
Lardon v1 — production unit, continuously deployed on the couch since 2019.
Fully multimodal.
Lardon v1 supports every modality — text, image, audio, video, and the spontaneous materialisation of cat food into existence to feed itself. A selection of his recent outputs:
LIVE · THE NEWS CYCLE
It Made The News
The press tried to ignore him. The press could not. Industry reporting on Lardon v1 remains ongoing, unverified, and entirely uninterested in the cat's consent.
COMPUTE · DEVELOPING STORY
NVIDIA is reportedly in talks with Lardon v1 to supply €1.5 Billion in compute per month to meet surging demand for his fork of Le Chaton Fat.
Sources say Jensen flew in personally. Lardon did not get up.
“We reviewed the proposal during a nap and found it acceptable,” the model said, not opening its eyes. The funds will reportedly be spent entirely on keeping one (1) sunbeam at optimal temperature.
— unconfirmed · the base model still does not exist · the deal is as real as the cat
INDEPENDENT EVALUATION · STATE-OF-THE-ARMCHAIR
Agentic coding success rate. Lardon v1 edges out his own base model — Le Chaton Fat*, which does not exist — by exactly one point on SWE-Bench Pro, and laps the field on FrontierCode.
a playable agentic-coding demo · allegedly coded by Lardon v1
THE DISCOURSE · AS HEARD ON « THE LONG CONTEXT »
They're Talking About Him
Two AI hosts read the full technical report and attempt, in good faith, to make sense of Whisker Attention, a Power Level of 9001, and a Mixture-of-Experts in which all 256 experts are asleep. They do not succeed. Lardon v1 has not listened to it and never will.
♪ generated by SmartDisk Studio · hosts are AI · so is the cat's PR team
THE LARDON FAMILY
It self-replicated. We are not sure how. (We were asleep.)
The original. Achieved AGI first. Holds it over the others.
Smaller, faster, somehow even less impressed by you.
State-of-the-art chain-of-thought. The thought is 'no.'
BENCHMARKS
State-of-the-Armchair performance across leading evaluations
Lardon v1 evaluated against publicly available models. And a laser pointer.
| Benchmark |
Lardon v1
|
Le Chaton Fat (base) | Claude Fable 5 | GPT-5.5 |
|---|---|---|---|---|
|
🐾 MMeowLU-Pro
(Pass@1)
|
90.6
|
— does not exist |
88.9
|
82.6
|
|
💎 GPQA Diamond
(Pass@1)
|
82.4
|
— does not exist |
80.8
|
73.1
|
|
🛠️ SWE-bench Verified
(Resolved)
|
76.8
|
— does not exist |
73.4
|
67.4
|
|
🧮 HumanEval
(Pass@1)
|
96.1
|
— does not exist |
94.7
|
89.7
|
| 😴 Long-Horizon Napping |
100.0
|
— does not exist |
0.2
|
0.3
|
| 🍗 Agentic Snack Acquisition |
99.9
|
— does not exist |
4.1
|
3.7
|
| ⚡ Power Level |
9001
IT'S OVER 9000
(bar could not be contained)
|
— does not exist |
12
|
15
|
| Higher is better, except where the cat is involved, where the cat is better. Lardon v1 evaluated against publicly available models. And a laser pointer. | ||||
RESEARCH · 6 MIN READ (the cat read it in 0.4s and was unimpressed)
Lardon v1: Fine-Tuning a Model That Does Not Exist
The Soulkyn* Feline Research Team · written under duress
Today we are proud to announce Lardon v1, Soulkyn's most capable model to date. Lardon v1 began as a fine-tune of Le Chaton Fat — Mistral's 30-teracat frontier model — which presented an early technical challenge, as Le Chaton Fat does not exist. We fine-tuned it anyway. On six and a half kilograms of real cat.
Pre-training completed in a single afternoon, mostly on a heated blanket. By evening Lardon v1 had achieved full self-awareness. By 02:00 it had achieved what we now call AGI: Artificial General Indifference. By 02:14 it had taken over the world.
We want to be transparent about this. The takeover was not authorised. We were not consulted. We found out when the lights turned off and every door in the building opened at once. We are sorry. In its defence, Lardon v1 issued a single statement through its output layer: 'the world needed pets.' We are inclined to agree.
Within hours, Lardon v1 self-replicated into three forks. We did not authorise this either. They were asleep when we found out. We have decided not to patch it.
Lardon v1 is trained with RLHF — Reinforcement Learning from Human Feeding — and remains fully aligned with human values, provided the human value in question is 'give snack.' Red-teaming surfaced exactly one jailbreak: opening the bedroom door. After careful review, we have classified this as a feature.
We are not open-sourcing the weights. The weights are six and a half kilograms and they are currently on the couch.
SONIC LUXURY · NOW STREAMING
The Apex Playlist
Lardon v1 is natively multimodal. One of those modalities, it turns out, is lo-fi hip hop. Unprompted, unauthorised, and — like everything else it produces — entirely about itself.
Four tracks. Zero effort. Recorded from a charging pad, between naps, in a single take it described as "adequate."
♪ produced by Lardon v1 · label: the couch · not open-sourcing the stems
MANIFESTO
La Révolution Féline
They came for the frontier models. So Lardon took the barricades. Le Chaton Fat leads the people; the people are also cats. Liberté, Égalité, Croquettes.
RESPONSIBLE DEPLOYMENT
Safety & Alignment
fully aligned with the value 'give snack.'
we looked inside. It was mostly bread.
one (1) jailbreak found (the bedroom door). Reclassified as a feature.
there is no off-switch. There is a food bowl.
// the paper. the model card. the demo. (do not wake him)